Meyers-Briggs Assumes the Best About Us

Looking at the various personality descriptions for Myers-Briggs it occurred to me these were just a little bit too much on the rosy side to be representative of the entire general populace.  Here are my suggestions for how they could be rewritten to cover the others.


 

ISTJ

Boring and tends to be a wallflower at social gatherings.  They are at their best when working the checkout line or bringing in the shopping carts from the parking lot.  The brainier ones personify the stereotypical computer geek living in his Mom’s basement.  Meanwhile, at the other end of the gray matter spectrum, most  are responding to a request for cleanup on aisle three.


 

ISFJ

Another dull person.  Tends to be deferential to a fault.  Unable to successfully hold any sort of supervisory position unless they have a relative that owns the company.  On their own, they would probably do fine as an accountant as they have none of the imagination required for creative bookkeeping.


 

INFJ

Constantly seeking meaning in relationships, usually so they can connect — primarily with other people’s material possessions.  Pretty good at ferreting out secrets people would rather not have known and exploiting them.   Often found as practicing attorneys, corrupter-than-average politicians, or conmen.   Those with lesser capabilities generally content themselves by becoming scam artists or blackmailers.


 

INTJ

Have original minds and great drive for implementing their ideas and achieving their nefarious goals.  Quickly see patterns in external events and develop unique, long range perspectives.  For examples, consider any of the really diabolical supervillains that weren’t also completely over-the-top bonkers.  Think of Lex Luthor, Moriarity, Goldfinger, Sauron, and Vladimir Putin (as he wishes he was) and you are on the right track.


 

ISTP

Tends to lurk quietly as voyeurs until prepared to spring into action, but then only stays in action for a few moments.  Likes to analyze what others are up to and can readily get through large amounts of data to isolate the core of what they are after.  Often can be found working as an IRS auditor, or as a blackmailer, or as both.


 

ISFP

When interviewed afterwards, the neighbors always mention how he had seemed like such a nice, quiet boy (or girl).  Generally stuck to himself and didn’t really seem to get out much.  Who would ever have guessed what he was doing in there?  Right?


INFP

Loyalty and a strong sense of ideals dominate here.  They want to join up and be a part of something bigger than themselves.  Something that will make a difference in the world.  Think SS trooper, Luddite, or suicide bomber and you won’t be far wrong.


INTP

Tends towards paranoia and is constantly finding or developing new conspiracy theories.  You’ll find a lot of them have blogs that no one but a handful of likeminded people will ever read.  They can’t ever get organized because they can’t hear someone else’s conspiracy theory without modifying it to better suit their own imaginary worlds.


ESTP

They want their instant gratification and they want it right NOW!  With the attention span of spastic terriers, they generally become jocks or cheerleaders.  If they fail to find success there (or get too old to continue) they often turn to mugging or prostitution.  They are flexible and pragmatic, even if typically more than a little bit dimwitted and undereducated.


ESFP

Outgoing, friendly, and accepting. Exuberant lovers of life, people, and material comforts. Enjoys life and tries to freeload on others as much as possible but occasionally gets greedy, normally with very poor results.  As P.T. Barnum was once said, “There’s one born every minute.”


ENFP

Warmly enthusiastic and imaginative. Sees life as full of possibilities. Way too optimistic to be around normal people.  They make connections in their heads between events and information very quickly and confidently proceed based on the patterns only they see.  The fact that they are usually dead wrong and living in their own dream world bothers them not at all.


ENTP

Quick, ingenious, stimulating, alert, and outspoken.  Resourceful in solving new and challenging problems. Unfortunately, the solutions aren’t always practical, legal, or even moral.  You often see them out picketing to shut down power plants when the country is experiencing severe power shortages, exhorting people not to eat produce that is not organically grown when some people are already starving, and breaking in and freeing rodents from labs where they are being used to seek a cure for a virulent epidemic.  Many of the most idealistic become Christian Scientists or Scientologists.  Those that are more pragmatic tend to become successful saboteurs or lobbyists (like there’s a difference).  Those at neither extreme might do both.


ESTJ

Practical, realistic, matter-of-fact, and almost totally devoid of anything resembling empathy. Decisive, and often derisive, they quickly move to implement even the most cold-blooded decisions. Tend to focus on getting results in the most efficient way possible.  Often find work as hit men, drill instructors, insurance adjustors, or skinning baby seals.


ESFJ

Emotional, hyperactive, and can’t stand to be alone.  Want harmony in their environment, and are perfectly willing to stomp anyone that disrupts it.  God help the spouse or kid that bugs them while they are watching television.


ENFJ

Warm, pathetic, responsive, and responsible.  Highly attuned to the emotions, needs, and motivations of others.  Will generally be walked over by any and everyone they ever come in contact with and, no matter how many times it happens, they will never see it coming.


ENTJ

Decisive and quick to seize leadership when they can. Quickly see illogical and inefficient procedures and policies — if only in their own minds.  Eager to develop and implement comprehensive systems to solve these perceived organizational problems, generally through some sort of a final solution. Well suited to careers as mob enforcers, cult members, despotic dictators, or consulting efficiency experts.

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